Drag Race Episode 2
welcum 2 ep 2 of rubas drag race let the slayage begin babes x -rubas drag race theme plays- --interview with Lady Ratchet before they enter the work room-- "So I noticed that these bitches were arguing and snatching each other's wigs and shit so i rubbed my vagina all over the mirror and their makeup. Fucking skanks wont see it coming." Interviewer: "bich why" "Cause im so indie lyk lmao" *blows a kiss* --Queens entering workroom-- *On the mirror it says Fuck you Clara Redwing.* *Clara breaks into tears while wiping lipstick off of mirror* "those skanks" clara screams before she runs off, hiding under a table and cutting her wrists because shes so #emo. Bayonse comes under the table and punches her in the face "stfu emo bitch get over it lmao fuck u bye" bayonse floats away into the distance as the She-mail announcement goes off; "YOU GOT SHE-MAIL." All the queens run to the screen. "Lets get our sports game on, let's be honest here, You can't just be on one team or the other. Pick a side, bitches." the video ends and Clara just stops crying she doesnt want ruba to see her emotional side, so sad. Ruba walks in out of drag and lily summers is so hrony she shoves a dildo up her anus and raves for the lord. "So, ladies this week, as the video suggests.... you'll be picking teams!" Cher Noble does a death drop out of shock as the rest make weird confused faces and Kalison pisses herself with excitement. "So, I'm taking the highest-ranking queen, Cleopatra De Boer and the lowest ranking queen, Clara Redwing and making then team captains. Now, choose your queens ladies." One by one, Cleopatra and Clara choose teams. Cleopatra: "Carrie Magee" Clara: "Lady Ratchet" Cleopatra: "Ginger Vitis" Clara: "Barbie Buckfast" --Confession booth-- Barbie: "All I could think was; dont put me on that skank, susie's team. Crying-ass pussy bitch get her so far to fuck. --workroom- Cleopatra: "Susie Shitstreak" Barbie: "Thank fuck" Clara: "Kalison Kimanda" Cleopatra: "Barbara Bobpin" Barbara: "Fuck." --Confession Booth-- "I cant fucking believe they put me with that butch lesbo bitch, Ginger. i hate her ass. She stole my fucking goldfish so i stole her crown, paybacks a goddamn bitch the hoe better get her ass over it." --workroom-- Clara: "Lily Summers" Cleopatra: "Kitty Titz" Clara: "Cher Noble" --Confession booth-- Clara: "I'm just praying to god Cleopatra picks Bayonse, that lola girl fucking pushed me yesterday. She better hope she isnt on my team or i'm sending her broken ass home." --workroom-- Cleopatra: Lola Luncheon --confession booth-- Clara: "THANK FUCK" Bayonse: "I can't believe I was fucking chose LAST, LAST. That other team better hold onto their goddamn wigs. the queen B is coming for them." --workroom-- Ruba: "so, that mean, Bayonse, you are in Clara's team. So That;s your teams, ladies! Cleaopatra's team feat. Lola Luncheon, Kitty Titz, Carrie Magee, Ginger Vitis, Barbara Bobpin and Susie Shitreak. Then team Clara feat. Kalison Kimanda, Bayonse, Barbie Buckfast, Cher Noble, Lily Summers and Lady Ratchet. So, let's get to the challenge. It's fuck all to do with sports btw, we're going to go for a Shade: The Rusical - The Re-up. Tickets SOLD OUT the first time, so we're re-casting it and you guys will take on the parts. Clara, since you were the lowest laste week and you're shit lmao ur gonna go first, with act one, Cleopatra's team will take act two, good luck ladies!!" --confession booth-- Cleopatra: "Act Two? Really, queen? That act was horrendous!!!" --workroom-- Clara redwing shouts at her team like its a dictator ship and assigns all the roles without asking who wants to be who. "okay, so Kalison looks like the biggest attention whore, so she's gonna be penny. Me and Lady ratchet will be the pageant queens. Cher Noble and Lily Summers can be the comedy queens, Bayonse is the shady queen and Barbie can be the tree in the background. We clear on this? no changing roles unless you want to be shit, like Barbie." --confession-- Barbie: "Who the fuck does this bitch think she is? I'm gonna fucking slap a hoe if i have to play a tree... AGAIN." --workroom-- barbie's eyebrows rise heigher than kyler's erection "WHY THE FUCK AM I THE TREE?!?!?" clara does an Alyssa Edwards-esque shock face "how dare you! I thought you would be best at a tree because you're so stiff! dont shout at me for giving you a good role!" all the queens snicker silently, except Kalison, who jumps in the middle. "IM THE FUCKIONG STAR ALL OF YOU BITCHES STFU YOU UGLY HOES LETS GET THIS DONE. we switch over to team two where Kitty Titz is on the table fingering herself to the high heavens. Cleopatra asks everyone what they want their roles to be. Susie screams "I'M PENNY" before anyone gets a chance to say anything. penny's backup dancers go to Carrie Magee, Ginger Vitis and Barbara Bobpin. --confession-- Barbara: "Fuck. I'm teamed with fucking GINGER? may as well dig me a hole and tell me to jump in. Then through ginger in along with me." --workroom-- Kitty and Lola look at eachother in confusion, then lola asks; "wtf am i gonna be?" cleopatra looks at her in dismay "you're gonna be the tree in full bloom and Kitty will be a red carpet, people are gonna walk all over her like they already do. I'll take on Milk's role." Kitty slaps Cleopatra across the face as Lola says in a monotone voice "stop the violence." Cleopatra's face goes red. "LISTEN HERE, GIRLIE, I'M A FUCKING OSCAR WINNER YOU CANT TOUCH THIS. FUCK YOU." Kitty runz and hides in fear as cleopatra continues to remember her lines. Ruba was gonna walk in but she got scared of cleo and ran away. Then basically they went to rehearsals and most of them were shit. except Cleopatra, Carrie Magee and Kalison who have background in theatre. "Now it's time for Shade: The rubical." ACT 1 - CLARA'S TEAM BAYONSE: In the city of drag queens, there's a fine line between being shady and being a lady. This is Penny, which will she choose? KALISON: I just got off the bus. I don't drink or eat or cuss LADY RATCHET AND CLARA: You're new in town It's time to knuckle down Start swimming to the top before you drown. KALISON: Who are you? LADY RATCHET AND CLARA: We are the pageant queens (KALISON:Oh, fancy) We're elegant machines In gowns we strut We don't need corny smut (CHER AND LILY:What?) Let's hold back And see which way she leans KALISON: Who are you? CHER AND LILY: We are the comedy queens (KALISON:Oh cute.) Humor always justifies the means While she's there telling a joke (Look!) I'm right behind you poke (Oh!) So don't listen to them 'cause there just full of beans (Literally!) KALISON: Who's that? CLARA: Wait! She's the shady queen Horrid queen No one wants to see her LADY RATCHET: On her own All alone No one wants to be her CHER AND LILY: Listen up pretty pup She's on her way to six feet underground CLARA AND LADY RATCHET: Yes and nothing nice Nothing good Ever goes her way So Miss "Off the bus" stick with us Even Ru would say so KALISON: Who? CLARA AND LADY RATCHET: (gasp) EVERYONE EXCEPT KALISON: RUPAUL! KALISON: Oh! CHER, LADY RATCHET, CLARA AND LILY: Turn around We are the better queens The safer queens The lighter queens the brighter queens The wiser queens Advisor queens The ones who you should stick with BAYONSE: Penny, you really wanna be a star? KALISON: Yeah I do! CHER, LADY RATCHET, CLARA AND LILY: No! Don't do it! LILY: Don't girl! LADY RATCHET: She's got testicles! I've seen them! CLARA: She's a man with one eye CHER: No! BAYONSE: There's a hole in your heart There'a place in your soul A passion so strong it makes your blood boil. All your dreams come alive, All your wishes will grow, If you take a swing of this -- FISH OIL! Drink for me? KALISON: Oh, I'd really like to but I shouldn't I- BAYONSE: Drink for me! KALISON: But I do want to be a big, big star! BAYONSE: Drink for me! CHER, LILY, LADY RATCHET AND CLARA: Don't do it! Don't do it! BAYONSE: Drink for me! CHER, LILY, LADY RATCHET AND CLARA: You'll lose it! You'll lose it! KALISON: Well I'm gonna be the greatest star And nothing And no one's gonna keep me down And you, and you, and all of you I'll make you love me CHER, LILY, LADY RATCHET AND CLARA: Don't do it! Don't do it! KALISON: Oh I can't get it open BAYONSE: Here! CHER, LILY, LADY RATCHET AND CLARA Don't do it! Don't do it! KALISON: Watch me be your star *kalison falls and breaks her old vag* EVERYONE ELSE: All T all Shade *barbie buckfast storms off stage because she had no singing lines and just stood in the background, crying and pissing herself throughout the whole act* ACT 2 - CLEOPATRA'S TEAM CLEOPATRA: Thanks to fish oil, our good little Penny became one bad Penny. But, she got her fame SUSIE: Because I'm the biggest star And I'm going far Just a miracle In front of you, Oh, and if you don't believe I will show you I'll teach you I'll school you I'll beat you, And punch you And crunch you I'll take you And make you thank me, When you love me. SUSIE: That's how you do it. Back rolls... CARRIE: Did you see what she said to me? GINGER: Back rolls! BARBARA: Heard it! CARRIE: Can you believe, can you believe She even said that GINGER: Yes she really did *Ginger is so tone deaf it almost destroys Ruba's hearing abilities, but her acting is on point* BARBARA: Oh yes she really, really went there CARRIE: Well I'm not gonna stick around And be a part of her show GINGER: But you have to! BARBARA: Girl, the paycheck! Oh, right Mhmm SUSIE: No, I'll never love anyone else Like I love myself Oh no, no, no, no I'll never love anyone else CARRIE: Ai dios mio! She's going down! Too much fish oil! GINGER: Now's our chance! GINGER, CARRIE AND BARBARA: Watch us rise to the top 'Cause we're the fresh fish on the scene We're the new girls in town We're stepping right over this queen She's been throwing some shade And now we don't give a damn Take away her fish oil And there ain't nothing left there, man Woo! Center stage Another chapter Time to turn the page CARRIE: And finally I'm the star GINGER: No I'm the star! BARBARA: No I'm the star! CARRIE, GINGER AND BARBARA: No girl! (mumbled fighting) CLEOPATRA: *she walks down the runway, right over Kitty who is supossed to be the red carpet.* Oh the shade The shade of it all Look at yourself Shady ladies You should be ashamed Of what you've become Oh, I never thought That you would do this So let me remind you Of just one thing Take each other's hands And come together Cause we are each other's family All 2,603,040 sisters This is our land And we are the queens ALL FROM ACT 1 AND 2: Time to take a stand And come together (KALISON:we come together) Cause we are each other's family (KALISON:we're all family) All 2,603,040 sisters (SUSIE:many queens) This is our land And we are the queens CLARA AND LADY RATCHET: So even if you're a pageant queen CHER AND LILY: Or a comedy queen SUSIE AND KALISON: Or a fishy queen BAYONSE: A shady queen CARRIE, GINGER AND BARBARA: Or just a big damn girl CLEOPATRA: We are a family ALL: Back rolls! everyone applause and ruba cries and breaks down at the emotional performance is it switches over to all the queens standing in a line, side by side, waiting to be judged. Ruba: "Okay, so lets start with team Clara. Kalison, You were fantastic, you flashes your vagine, giving carrie some wank material and it was perfect i am living for it 3-epiosde guest judge Hibo: i think ur a dirty fat whore and u should die, skank. fuck u. fundog2: "I thought lady ratchet done v well and was looking hella fine i'd well eat that poussey." salute: "fuck no" ruba: "now onto clara, as the leader i thought you did a...decent job of picking roles. overall, you were good and the performance really bounced off of lady ratchet." fundog2: "let me lick ur poussey pls" Ruba: "Lily and Cher, you two were funny and cute, but i felt like cher was the stronger of the two. lily kept staring at my tits too." ruba: "fucking whore" hibo: "if it weren't against my religion, i'd take off my burka and slap her silly." ruba: "lola, kitty and barbie. u were shit lmfao trees were horrible, didnt even dance like real trees do and the carpet kept bleeding. fuck you all." fundog: "i though bayonse's asshole looked simply devine. salute: "I thought cleopatra looked hot but was shit lbr. your sing = on point. acting = no." hibo: "yes i agree my burka was shaking in fear. it was horrible." salute: "carrie was a sexy twink and her booty looked tight as hell x" ruba: "what did we think of ginger and barbara?" hibo: "irelle" Ruba: "and Susie?" Hibo: "FUCKING QUEEN YASS SLAY ME I WOULD GLASLY TAKE OF MY BURKA FOR THAT BITCH YASS YASS HUNTY SLAY" ruba raises an eyebrow at the cam. "bring back, my grrrls" they all return as ruba says the nominations for the rubas drag race oscars. "Nominations are; Kalison Kimanda, Susie Shitstreak and Carrie Magee... and the winner is... SUSIE SHITSTREAK." susie shits her pants so hard and then cries. "condragulations bich u've won a premium dildod." "THANKS HUNTY" susie screams before running to a toilet." "Kalison and Carrie, you two are safe." "the rest of you; what's left of your teams; team Clara being, Lady Ratchet, Clara Redwing, Lily Summers, Cher Noble, Barbie Buckfast and Bayonse. and then we have Cleopatra's team. Cleopatra De Boer, Ginger Vitis, Barbara Bobpin, Kitty Titz and Lola Luncheon. We're judging what's left of you in teams and honestly Cleopatra, your team is shit compared to Clara's lmao Clara's team you're all through. However, Barbie. You're lucky, your team mates picked up for you. BE NOT SHIT NEXT TIME." "Okay, so Ginger Vitis and Kitty Titz. You're safe. BARELY." "Barbara Bobpin, I'm sorry my dear but you are in the bottom two." "Cleopatra De Boer. The judges will not be putting your name down in history. Unless it's for a horrible performance. But two queens were worse. You're safe." "So that mean Lola my dear, I'm sorry but you are up for elimination." they lip song to the teletubbies theme tune as barbara does multiple backflips and lola just gives up. "BARBARA, SHANTE YOU MOTHERFUCKING STAY." Lola leaves, pissing and crying as she leaves barbara a drawing of a dick for her to wipe off the mirror. "if u cunt lvu urslef how in da hek u gona lvu some1 else amen" "AMEN" they all twerk and shit on the walls. Category:Drag Race